Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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