do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
