mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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