So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
