he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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