I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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