i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
