We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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