I wanna passion pit in your ass
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
