yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
