i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
