i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They are going to name an STD after you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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