Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
