you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
