i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
