Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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