I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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