I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
