Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They took my balls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
