ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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