What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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