There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
