I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
