Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
