When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
