If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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