Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize