answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
