rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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