Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
