Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
