Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
