How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
