she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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