dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
