omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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