Your dad touched me again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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