Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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