she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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