but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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