i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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