I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
