update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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