she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
