You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
