Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
