Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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