Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize