Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
