Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
