I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
