fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
