Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
