All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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