He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
