a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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