I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
