I'm going to jail i love you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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