I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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