i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize