She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
