I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
