I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
