i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
