why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
