I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
