I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Soap is not a condiment
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
