I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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