Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
