Just fell off a train. Bad.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
